A few months ago, I came across a term that’s been fundamental to my growth as an individual and as a mom. Destiny at MomCrushMonday introduced me to the concept of “Re-Parenting” on her Instagram and it felt like a window to another world had been opened.
The concept of Re-Parenting is rooted in healing. It aims to address and unpack traumas and pain that we may have experienced as children, either directly or indirectly, as a result of our parents or other adults around us. The core idea is that now that we are adults, we can take our power back from those who stole it, and overcome the traumas they caused. For me, it was the realization that everything we need exists within us.
Some of my childhood traumas were centered around abandonment, then having to do more than those around me to receive less attention and validation. This led me down a path of over achievement and people pleasing as an adult, which, as many of you I’m sure know first hand, marred my early adulthood with anxiety, depression, feelings of worthlessness and a lack of direction. When you’re living to please others or get their attention, you lose sight really quickly of nearly everything about yourself: what you like, what you want, who you are.
The first few steps were hard – and without going too much into the ugly details, it involved severing fundamental relationships and spending a lot of time alone. I spent a lot of time outside, walking outside for hours, once even getting frighteningly lost. This was a key part of my healing process. It showed me I could be without the people I thought defined me, and it helped to clear the fog of opinions that often engulfs people pleasers. After I could hear myself again, things got a lot easier.
This week, I want to share three key strategies that have helped me make tremendous progress in my re-parenting journey and have helped transform my life completely over the last several years.
Stop Fixating on the Negative things about yourself. And if you really can’t stop fixating, stop saying those negative things out loud. Our words are extremely powerful and speaking them out loud gives them life.
Accept the limitations/abilities of others and don’t take them personally. We’re all working from places of trauma and hurt and those of us that are most hurt tend to hurt others the most. Meeting these individuals with understanding where they’re at and taking yourself out of their equation frees you up from bearing the burden of their hurt.
Spend time alone – especially if you’re coming from a place of being very ‘out of touch’ with yourself. A good way to see how in tune you are with yourself is to check in by asking questions that force to be present and focus on yourself: How am I feeling right now? If I could do anything I wanted to right now, what would it be? When do I feel my best emotionally and physically?
If you found this helpful, check back next week for three more actionable steps to re-parenting yourself. Remember to be gentle with yourself.
We’ve all been there: a bad day at work, a nasty commute home, mistakes that could have been avoided; a bad day that simmer and simmers until it finally boils over. But for parents, the guilt that follows can sometimes be worse than the actual events of the day. Here are four ways you can help your family heal after a bad day.
This one is simple, but can be hard for a lot of folks because it was never modeled for them by their parents: apologize. A sincere apology can go a really long way in rebuilding trust after it’s taken a hit. I like to include an explanation for my behavior when I apologize, not as an excuse, but so my little one knows that what happened was my fault and unrelated to them. Even if your kids are too young to really understand everything you’re saying, they will get your message if it’s loving and kind and they will find it easier to follow your lead and apologize to others as they grow up.
Talk about what happened; did you lose your temper after a long day at work? have you reached your limit after a long week of fighting between your kids? talk to your child (in an age appropriate way) about what’s going on with you that caused you to have a difficult day. They probably won’t understand the details but they’ll understand that they are important to you and that you care enough about them to explain what’s going on to them. This can help to build a foundation of mutual honesty and respect that will be crucial as your child gets older.
Spend some quality time together; If you’re both up for it, and there’s enough time left in your day, take 15 or 20 minutes and play together, read a book, dance it out, color a picture, or any other engaging activity they chose. IT doesn’t matter what it is, as long as your engaged and spending time together.
Give yourself some time, space and grace! The best thing you can do for yourself after a long day, is give yourself a break. Chances are, your frustration escalated because you didn’t give yourself one sooner. One of the most important things I’ve learned is that the structure of my household falls apart completely when I’m struggling physically or emotionally, so I need to prioritize taking care of myself so that im physically able to care for my family. That means, resting when my body needs rest, finding a healthy outlet for the natural stressors of everyday life, and being kind to myself when i make mistakes. Forgiveness can be hard for me, so if you struggle with it too, challenge yourself to identify where you went wrong and what you will do differently going forward. If you have a plan for how to better deal with your emotions going forward, it becomes easier to accept that mistakes, accidents, bad days will happen to everyone and don’t define who we are in the long run.
I hope these tips work for you and your family, and please share any helpful insights in the comments, and as always, Keep Healing, Keep Blooming.
I don’t know about any of you, but i haven’t really been able to get away for some me time since the start of the pandemic. But after two years, I figured I’d better start trying to live again before I completely forget how.
So I decided it was time for a little solo night out.
I always try to prepare my babysitter with any and all information they could possibly need while I’m gone. But to be honest, there’s so much info I need to share, I usually always forget something. Then, a few months ago, while researching for a book I’m working on about making motherhood a little easier, I stumbled across babysitter info sheets; templates that help you organize all the information you need to leave your babysitter. There are tons of different styles, but I customized my own so I could make sure it had all the features we need.
Creating Your Own Babysitter Info Sheet
Creating your own template is pretty simple, even if you’ve never made one before. First, make a list of the important information you want to makes sure your sitter knows; this will vary depending on your family’s individual needs, but some generic things you’ll want to include are:
Your Name and contact Info
Emergency contact Name and Number
Your Address
Address Where You Can Be Reached
Meal Instructions (Little Bear is very particular about his favorite foods)
Food Allergies
Medication Instructions
Bedtime Instructions
Activity Suggestions
Screen Time Allowance + Approved Shows/Movies
Once you’ve figured out all the information you want to include on your sheet, try to think about how much room you want for each item and then use a pencil to sketch out a rough draft of your template layout.
Once you’ve found a layout that works for you, it’s time to start your final template. You can do this step digitally or by hand, whichever works best for you.
Creating a Digital Copy
Open whatever program you use to create printable documents. I use Adobe InDesign, but Pages, Word and Google Sheets will all work as well. Start by using text or image blocks to create outlines for each of the sections on your template. Keep your rough draft next to you so you can arrange your boxes on the page to match your drawing. Add text to each box that describes what information you will write in that section. At this point, your template is ready to be printed and used, but if you want to put some stylish touches, like graphics, colors or unique fonts, now is the time. Add any elements you want, being sure to keep your template clear and easy to read.
Creating a Template By Hand
Creating a copy by hand is even easier. Using a sharpie and a ruler, copy your draft of your template onto another paper. If you can find any, I recommend using card stock or thin white cardboard, to help with durability. Using a smaller permanent marker or pen, label each section of the template so you know what to write where and your sitter can interpret what information she’s reading. To make the template reusable you can frame it or use a page protector and a dry erase marker to write with. You could also make photocopies and keep a few on hand so you’re not scrambling around to find your original or make another one.
If making one yourself is too much for you, leave us a comment with your email and we’ll send you ours!
Any last minute shoppers? Don’t worry, you’ve still got time! And if you’re shopping for a loved one with extra sensory needs, than you’ve come to the right place.
We’ve collected an amazing list of tools, toys and other fun stuff that can serve a variety of sensory needs, no matter your budget, so let’s get right to it!
Ready to invest: you’ve got a bit of extra cash and you’re ready to spend to get what you need and want.
Climbing Triangle: Climbing Triangles are great pieces of equipment that encourage your child’s gross motor skill and motor planning skill development and can grow with them through these changes. AGE 2-16
Photo Via Love Sac
Love Sac – Love Sac’s are amazing; their textured fabrics are luxurious and they feel like a hug for your whole body. These are amazing, especially for bigger children or adults. There’s even have a testimonial from a mother whose son has extra sensory needs, which you can see here, on the founder’s personal blog. ANY AGE
Gathre Arc Play Set: This set is a worthy investment if you’ve got more than one child, close in age who may be sensory seekers. The playset comes with arches in three sizes which can be used in a variety of engaging ways and are great for days when you can’t get outside and are great for tight spaces, like apartments. UNDER 5
Outdoor Play Structure:If you do have the space and the budget, it’s worth the time and money, especially if you have a child with extra sensory needs, to invest in an outdoor play structure for your child. Kid Craft makes some of the most amazing outdoor play equipment on the market! They’ve got swings, slides, playhouses and tons of options that will fit your little one’s needs. VARIES
Ballin on a Budget: You’re not ready for a big financial commitment, but you’ve got a budget to work within comfortably.
Indoor Rock Wall: If you’re handy with power tools and can find your way around a hardware store, then you can purchase climbing holds online and build your little one their own rock wall in any room of your house! All you need is a few tools, your climbing holds and a weekend’s worth of time. AGES 6+
Target Sensory Friendly Furniture: Target first launched their sensory friendly kids room line a few years ago and it sold out everywhere quickly. They’ve expanded and refined the line since it was first launched to include weighted blankets and a hideout tent as well as updated a variety of features. Their products are quality and less expensive than the market average, which is important for products that are too often priced out of reach for the people who need them. VARIES
Photo Via Etsy
Chill Pill Fidget Tool: This magnetic fidget toy is shaped like a large pill capsule, split down the middle and held together with a powerful magnet. When you separate the half, the Chill Pill’s magnets snap it back together again, making it extremely responsive when in use. .
Photo Via Amazon
Leedor Bed Tent: Leedor Tents fit right over your standard sized mattress to create an instantly cozy cocoon for bedtime. Thetent features four doors and two windows for easy access, breathable fabric and can also function as a privacy tent during the day. ANY AGE
Warmies: Warmies creates cozy products that provide warm, soothing comfort for all ages. Their product line includes a wide range of stuffed animals, boots, slippers, eye masks, and more, all of it, warming, weighted and infused with French Lavender for an extra level of comfort. ANY AGE
Moonpals: Moon Pals is a line of stuffed animals designed to provide deep pressure therapy in a unique form. Each stuffie’s body, arms and legs are weighted to provide maximum benefits tailored to your loved ones needs. There are 5 Moon Pals to choose from, each with a corresponding backstory and book to inspire a unique aspect of your loved one’s personality.
Photo Via Amazon
Wobble Board: Wobble boards are a multifunctional piece of equipment that are great for any child, but especially sensory seekers. They provide several different ways to get proprioceptive input and encourage exploration and imaginative play with their simple sturdy arch design that can be used for anything from racing cars to launching toys through the air, the options are endless. VARIES
Canopy Difuser: Aroma diffusers are an amazing tool for addressing sensory needs. You can create your own scent blends based on the environment you want to create – upbeat in the morning or calm and relaxed at night. Plus the canopy diffuser is waterless and mold resistant so you can use your device without worry. ANY AGE
Enovi ProBalance Yoga Chair: This yoga ball comes with a base and functions perfectly as a chair, great for relieving lower back pain and doubles as a great tool for providing sensory input in a low key, and no obstructive way. AGE 16+
Making Magic From Scratch: You may not have a ton of extra cash but you’ve got a lot of imagination!
Homemade Crash Pad: If you have a sensory seeker in your life, chances are, they will appreciate receiving a crash pad as a gift. They can be pricey, but we found this awesome DIY that’s great for small budgets. ALL AGES
Rainbow Rice + action figures to match: Rainbow Rice is all the rage right now as montessori education is totally having a moment. There are tons of places to purchase it but you can also make your own! All you need is uncooked rice – white rice makes for brighter colors while brown rice makes for more muted earth tones colors. You can follow our tutorial to make your own, Here. Once you’ve got your rice, head to the dollar store to pick up some companion pieces – Animal figures, other sensory toys, anything engaging will work. ANY AGE
Liquid Motion Bubbler: These colorful bubblers have been around since the 1970’s but have gained popularity in recent years as sensory toys, tools for relaxation, or fun for anyone who enjoys rhythmic motion and repetitive movements. ALL AGES
Crayola Bath Drops: Bath time is a fully immersive sensory activity. There are smells and feelings and water and all kind of things that can be new and overwhelming. Using bath drops to tint bath water a preferred color can make reluctant bathers a little more comfortable, and they add a bit of unexpected fun for anyone whose already comfortable with baths. ANY AGE
Yoga Ball: Yoga balls are especially great for sensory seekers living in small places. For little ones, it’s best to find one with a handle. There are a lot of affordable options on Amazon. AGES 3+
Water Beads: Water beads are great for playing and learning; Soak them in water for a few hours and watch them grow! They’re great as a base in sensory boxes, a fun addition to bath time and great for improving fine motor skills as they try to grab the slippery little balls. ANY AGE
It’s summer now. The days are longer, the nights are hotter, and there is even less to occupy your child’s day than there has been for the past few months. It looking a little rough for a lot of us oms out there. Thankfully, kids are pretty low maintenance compared with us and it doesn’t take much to distract them. Here are 5 easy to facilitate activities to help our family get through the never ending summer.
Take a day time baths. No pool? No problem! Set your little one up for a splashy soak in the tub! Use bubbles, bath bombs, tons of toys, or bath crayons to make it a more engaging activity. Plus, kiddos are pretty happy to splash around in here for while, so bring a book or tablet with you or catch up on your shows while they splash the day away.
Watch a movie together. Go all out! Make pop corn (cooking is another great activity idea), turn the lights off, snuggle on the couch. For this one tho, you’ve actually got to watch with them. Kids can tell pretty easily if we’re engaged or not, and when we disengage, it becomes easier for them to do the same. Watching movies with your kids may seem basic, but it gives you unique insight on their sense of humor, their cognitive abilities, and laughing together helps strengthen your bond. Plus, kids movies are pretty funny these days! Most animators bear in mind that adults will be watching with their kids, and they try to sneak some stuff in their for us too,
Do a movie-related activity. Use the movie you watched together as the jumping off point for another activity. Just watch spiderman? Introduce your little one to Parkour on youtube and create your own parkour obstacle course at home! Watching a movie with monsters or creepy creatures? Make monster masks, then play Monster Tag! You can take any element from the movie and expand on it, as long as your little one is engaged.
Build a fort. Then hang out inside of it! I don’t know what it is about small, dark, enclosed spaces but kids seem to love them! Build a fort with whatever you have, then stock it with snacks, books and toys and hang out for a while.
Use empty boxes to create life size blocks. It seems almost too simple but your kids will be entertained for hours! Just collect a couple empty delivery boxes, fold them closed and show your kids how high they can stack with just a few boxes. Make room for them to crash their towers without hurting themselves or anything else, and watch them laugh
We hope the New Year’s been treating you kindly 🙂 Today, we’re jumping right in, with Part Two of our series on the importance of physical touch in your child’s development. If you missed Part One when we discussed 25 benefits that come from positive, affirming physical touch, you can catch up here.
Today, we’re taking it a step further, and looking at what we can actually do to incorporate loving, meaningful touch into our little one’s lives.
Kangaroo Care
VIA UNITYPOINT.ORG
Kangaroo Care gets its name from its similarities to marsupial care. It involves a parent holding their swaddled newborn to their bare chest. For children born preterm or with complications, Kangaroo Care has life altering capabilities (6). In the first hour after birth, skin to skin contact is essential for babies to bond with their parents and regulate their vitals (1). This initial skin to skin time is so important in baby’s growth and development that professionals recommend building time for it into your birthing plan, postponing the normal protocol after birth of washing and weighing baby to prioritize skin to skin time (1).
Infant Massage
VIA MOM365
Infant massage is the next stage of important developmental touch after skin to skin. This type of touch is about bonding, love and respect. It’s important to be read baby’s interactions with you during this time; Trust is a key part of this activity, and it goes without saying that baby needs to trust that you’re not going to hurt them, so pay attention to the physical responses your child may be giving you; whether they are positively engaged or disengaged. Children communicate instinctively from their time they’re born, through physical responses before they can talk so it’s important that you learn to read their cues (1).
Good Nights
Creating positive associations with sleep is a vital part of your child’s development, but it’s also the perfect opportunity to build in positive touch with your little one. Goodnight hugs and kisses are quick and easy ways to increase your physical interactions and massaging their head or back while you read them a goodnight story will help them fall asleep faster and feel more connected to you.
Myth Busters: They Don’t Know What They’re Talking About…
How many times has someone (older than you, most likely) told you that you were gonna spoil your baby picking them up too much? This is one of the most common critiques of moms, most especially from well meaning (?) relatives and family friends, who know that you’re going to regret picking that baby up so much when they won’t leave you alone. Umm, what? Thank you for you concern sir, but we’re not doing that let them cry till they can’t no more, no more.
For generations, the myth that holding a baby too much will ‘spoil them’ has persisted. You’ve likey heard it before, and may have even put some stock in it. Nobody wants a ‘spoiled’ kid and technically, it’s true, they have been raising kids longer than us…
There are two parts to the baby spoiling ideology:
You should let your baby cry for a while
You’re holding them too much
“Let Them Cry” When an infant cries, they need something. They’re not crying for your attention (they don’t even understand those concepts yet) and they’re not trying to be difficult. Babies only cry as method of meeting their needs. This means if your child is crying, they need something from you; a meal, a diaper, a measuring hug (7). When you allow your child to cry for extended periods of time, without responding to them, you being to send silent messages that their needs are not a priority, or that you may not even notice them. These messages will compound as the child grows, and one subjected to this kind of treatment for prolonged periods will begin to show effects, like struggling to create bonds with others, that will follow them into adulthood.
For most of us, winter is in full swing. Maybe that means snow days, maybe that means rainstorms but either way, most of your family is likely gonna be stuck indoors for long stretches during this time of year. It can be tough to keep it together during the winter, we get it. So we put together a little Cabin Fever Survival Guide to help you keep your little ones from driving you totally insane.
We broke it down into three parts: your survival kit, activities for little ones, and activities for bigger ones.
Survival KitEssential items to have on hand during the winter time. These items are versatile, can be used in a variety of entertaining ways, inexpensive, easy to find, and won't destroy your home.
Rolls of tape (painter’s or gaffer’s tape are best; they’re sturdy and easily removable)
Toilet paper
Contact paper
Bubbles
Washable markers
Balloons
Rechargeable batteries
Activities for Little OnesThese activities are great for entertaining little ones under the age of 5. They involve games that build on fundamental skills your little ones are still learning and are designed to keep them engaged at their skill level.
Sensory blankets (LIN/PIC) are great for babies at tummy time but the activities can easily be adjusted to fit your little ones needs. This DIY spin on it, (LINK/INCLUDE PIC) is a great way to adapt your activities and the modular design means you can rearrange the pieces to create sensory trails around your house. BONUS TIPS: If you live in a small space, make this activity a bit more exciting by allowing kids access to normally restricted areas, like the bathroom or kitchen. Giving kids a little more room to run, especially when they’ve been inside for several consecutive days can make the long stretches a little easier for both of you.
USE OLD NEWSPAPERS TO TURN YOUR KITCHEN FLOOR INTO A GIANT CANVAS. PHOTO VIA JLHEUER.WORDPRESS.COM
‘Indoor Chalk’: Set your little one up with a paper covered floor and a few washable markers and let them go crazy! Giant drawing paper can be expensive but the blank side of wrapping paper works great as a substitute. Tape it to the floor of a whole room for fun that lasts a little longer. If you’re little ones are young enough, you can get away with newspaper rather than wrapping paper. Also, make sure the makers are washable and non-toxic cause it’s inevitable that they will draw on something they’re not supposed to and put the markers in their mouth, so just make it easy on yourself.
Contact paper: there are tons of activities out there centered around contact paper. Its mild stickiness is great for sensory development and the fact that little things stick to, but easily come off is endlessly entertaining. Tape it to the wall and let baby stick things to it to exercise their fine motor skills, or use it with salt and paint for a messier, but fun experiment with color and texture.
Color scavenger hunt: This is a great way to help baby learn their colors and have fun at the same time. Use those old paint sample cards we’ve all got stuffed into a drawer somewhere (or grab some from anywhere paint is sold) and use them to do a color scavenger hunt around your house. Stick with primary colors if you’re little one is still learning and add more shades as they get better at color spotting.
Simon Says is a great way to engage with little ones and let them get some energy out! Give them silly commands and watch them giggle endlessly.
Treasure Hunt: hide various toys around your house and have you little one hunt for them. Puzzle pieces, small toys, their favorite stuffed animal. Give them hints to help them if they get frustrated and hide them in silly places to give little ones and extra laugh.
Bubbles! Little ones go crazy over them and big ones will get a kick out of blowing them and driving the little ones mad! Fun for everyone
Youtube is great for little ones too! Instead of complicated dance videos, little ones will love sing alongs! We love to play sing alongs for our little one’s and they’re happy for as long as I let them rock out. They’ll dance and sing along and there are tons of song options out there to keep it educational and fun. ‘Super Simple Espanol’ is our favorite channel.
Activities for Bigger Ones: These activities are best for children over the age of 5. Some of the games on this list involve critical thinking or controlled motor skills and other advanced stages of development your little one may not have reached yet. If you have children in different age groups, many of these activities can be adapted for both of your children to participate.
Activity dice: these giant dice are super easy to make, and you can customize the activities according to your child’s needs and interests. Make them act like an animal or imitate a superhero, whatever they would engage with best HERE’S a printable template to help you get started with some blank spaces for customization. BONUS ACTIVITY! Let your kids color them + make a few of their own activities of their own. Then play with them! They’ll go crazy over seeing you do whatever silly thing they came up with.
PHOTO VIA RYSELTOYS.COM
Balloon Games: Balloons are the best! And there’s lots of things you can do with them! Ballon jumpers: tape the balloon to the ceiling, challenge them to reach it, then raise it up a little each time they hit it successfully.
Balloon Volleyball
Don’t let the balloon touch the ground
Color scavenger hunt: This activity is great because it can easily be adapted for older kids. While the little ones work on finding one color, bigger ones can take the whole sheet of shades and match each one. Time them, make it a contest, or offer prizes to help engage more reluctant kids.
Obstacle course crawl: This one takes a bit of setup, but is a great way for older kids to keep busy during those bad weather spells. Using rolls of toilet paper or streamers and tape, create an intricate obstacle course for your kids to find their way through. Use a variety of heights and angles to make it more challenging for bigger ones.
VIA MARIETTA SPY SHOP
Traditional obstacle course: This is a great way for your bigger ones – and little ones too – to get some energy out. Try to think of higher energy activities if your child needs the run around a bit. If you’re working within a small space, these activities don’t necessarily need a ton of room. Below is a list of obstacle course activities that don’t need as much room.
Balancing on one foot
Jumping jacks
Hula hoops
Distance Toss
High Jump
Knee raisers
Indoor Bowling
Charades: There are many versions of this classic game and they’re all tons of fun for all ages! On scraps of paper, write down a bunch of random people, places and things for you and the kids to act out. You can even let them add in a couple for increased engagement. Then, take turns pulling from a hat and acting them out. Make it a competition and add points for bigger-er ones.
VIA TEACHMAMA.COM
Youtube: This one is a life saver and a huge resources for most adults i know. University of Youtube is also a great way to keep your kids engaged and active. Que up fun workout videos for them, like Billy Blanks classic tye bo tapes, or dance tutorials, but only if you’re prepared for them to bust those moves out every. single. Chance. They. get. For the next 6 months. BONUS: for an added laugh, show them vintage dances like the running man. They’ll think it’s the funniest shit ever. Let’s be real, it is.
Indoor bowling: this is hours of fun, with very little clean up. Let your bigger ones use red plastic cups to create pins, and a small light ball as the ball. Set your kids u with a score card so they can play a full game and offer a prize to the winner, like choice of dessert or dinner.
Part one in a two part series on the effects of physical touch on your baby's growth and development.
Hey Mama, Happy New Year!
As you probably didn’t know, cause, you know, it’s a made-up holiday, National Cuddle Day (!) was on January 6th this year. With that in mind, and in the spirit of new beginnings and healthy habits, we’re going to be kicking off the New Year with a series on the importance of cuddling! Sounds silly, we know but it’s actually a scientific fact that humans, and especially babies, need physical contact for proper development.
The following have been found to be direct benefits of physical contact for babies:
Regulated heart rate following birth
Regulated temperature following birth
Regulated breathing following birth
Enhanced awareness following birth
Improved sleep patterns for baby (and you too!)
Improved digestion and elimination for baby
Reduced fussiness in baby and increased comfort in their surroundings
Improved neurological function in babies
Increased weight gain for premature and full term babies
Improved relaxation for you and baby (1)
Lays the foundation for baby to learn empathy (2)
Encourages bonding for both parties
Helps baby associate physical touch with pleasure/love
Helps baby create connections with others later in life (2)
Increased levels of oxytocin, decreased levels of cortisol (3)
Increased self confidence later in life (5)
Greater ability to deal with life’s stressors (5)
Creates a healthy sense of personal boundaries (5)
Improved muscle tone + circulation (5)
Improved pulmonary and immune functions
Reduced discomfort from teething, congestion, colic, and emotional stress (5)
Deeper sleep
Improved milk production for mom
Increased brain function from time spent quiet and alert, rather than crying (5)
Greater self worth
When physical touch is absent during a child’s early life, it can have devastating repercussions. Babies who aren’t huggled, cuddled or touched enough have been observed to stop growing, and in extreme cases, even when being provided adequate nutrition and care otherwise, they have died (2). This phenomenon was most notably observed in overcrowded, underfunded orphanages in early America, where infant mortality rates hovered around 35% (2). This disturbing trend led reformers to replace orphanages with the modern foster care system, in hopes of providing children with a higher quality of life (4).
The benefits of physical touch affect adults too. From an association between winning NBA teams and their physical contact with each other, to adults whose perception and memory of a given situation is actually changed by physical contact, the results are clear (3). In older children, studies found that children who received a positive, affirming touch on the back or arm from a teacher were twice as likely to be positively engaged than students who did not (3).
But how does this happen? Does it actually work?
It’s a pretty simple chemical process that happens inside our brains thats causes touch to have such far reaching effects. A warm touch has been shown to cause a spike in levels of oxytocin, a stress relieving hormone that actively reduces levels of the nasty little stress hormone cortisol. When levels are lowered, the prefrontal areas of the brain – the part responsible for regulating our emotions – can relax, allowing it to perform it’s other chief function, problem solving, more easily. Essentially, the body interprets this type of touch as saying, ‘I’m here to help; I can share the load’. For little ones, this is endlessly reassuring and will provide the foundation for how they interact with others for the rest of their lives.
Come back for Part II next week when we’ll be sharing some easy ways to incorporate meaningful touch into your routine with baby and debunking one of the oldest motherhood myths out there! Have a great week mama!
Welcome to Fake Mom, the online community for the unconventional mom. Click HERE to find out a little bit about where we came from.
We hope that you will make yourself at home here. We want to help you breathe through the stress, laugh through the tears and know that, here, you are most important. You’re doing great, sweetie! And we love you so much.
Each week we will feature new content designed to help you through the real $h!* life throws at you. We’ll talk parenting techniques, childhood trauma, overcoming our unique challenges, how we stay so fly through all the drama and more. Our community will consist of our core writing team, unconventional moms themselves, raising kids and crushing their dreams; our panel of moms, your new go-to for all your mommy questions; and most importantly, YOU! Other unconventional moms looking for a place with real advice, real resources and a real community.
If you have some time, please, look around. Get to know the Mama Knows Best moms, download your free copy of #MomHacks or drop us a line and let us know what kind of content you wanna see in the future, or just say wassup! We can’t wait to hear from you.
Hi there! You can call me Jas. I’m from California, and I’m raising a child that is not mine by birth. Stepmom? Not quite. Foster parent? Kinda…
I’ll get into the details of our back story a bit later, once we know each other a little more. But in a nutshell, I have guardianship of my two year old nephew, who has lived with me since just after his first birthday. It’s a jarring adjustment to bring a child into your life, and unlike conventional moms, I did not have months to prepare myself.
If motherhood is the hardest job in the world, unconventional motherhood is like doing that job with a blindfold on. Raising a child encompasses so many emotions; joy, pain, relief, anxiety, fear, power, love, loneliness. When you’re not doing it how everyone else does, all of those emotions are amplified.
And whether you agree or not that motherhood is the hardest job in the world, it is easily the most important. Without a doubt, whether we want to admit or not, the relationship that affects us more than any other relationship we will ever have, is the one we have with our mother. Moms are the foundation, the rocks, the compases, the glue, everything! And No mom, no matter the qualifier – single mom, stepmom, FAKE MOM – should feel alone in her struggles or unsupported by her community.
And that’s what has brought me here, to Fake Mom. My friends don’t have kids, so I turned to the internet and mom bloggers for help.
There are a million Mom-Blogs out there and they’re great, but looking at a beautiful woman, her spacious home and her impeccably dressed family doesn’t really make me feel great about the fact that sometimes, I just can’t get a shower in, all weekend, no matter how hard I try. Or the fact that my baby is struggling with residual trauma and sometimes he gets so upset, I can’t console him. Or help me to understand why the lack of a ring on my finger is so triggering to strangers.
Fake Mom gets it, girl.
Just to clear the air before it gets clouded, the term FAKE MOM is something I coined to refer to myself, and is in no way meant to demean or ridicule anyone. It’s a reflection of a very personal struggle to make sense of an identity and reality that don’t always make sense together. One that I’m still adjusting to. In that struggle, as I’m sure you can relate, is where the most growth happens.
I won’t talk about myself too much on here, as it’s not meant to be a personal blog. Fake Mom isn’t about me, it’s about us. Thank you for being here.
Now that you know a little bit about me, click HERE to learn a little bit more about Fake Mom.
Keep Blooming 